random thought...
15 years ago
3/16/09
3/12/09
The Best Stories You Will Ever Read
I had my sophomore classes do my version of the Story Chain activity and these are the utterly strange results. And, since most of these stories do reference Korean culture so I'll try to footnote the most interesting/important ones.
Class M's Story:
In New Caledonia, Shrek is so sexy.[yes as in the green ogre from the movie] Gu Jun Pyo* was kissing Fiona. They are sleeping. They have a baby. She divorces Shrek and is alone with the donkey. Gu Jun Pyo killed the donkey. "Um," said F4,"no, no, no Jun Pyo." Then Gu Jun Pyo said "Gee, gee, gee."** Finally F4 goes crazy and goes to a club. Suddenly, surprisingly, F4 sees Jessica*** and begins hunting her. So then Jessica and F4 go on a honeymoon. Fiona goes to Manhatten with her daughter, Gandhi [yes, that Ghandi]. Ghandi is a pretty girl. Ghandi learns cooking and cooks a dog for Fiona. F4 is playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!" with Jessica and Gu Jun Pyo wins. Jessica lost so she must leave the F4. Ghandi is a genius at cooking and goes to Mississippi for a cooking contest. Shrek looks for Fiona and Jessica meets Ghandi in Mississippi and the fall in love and get married and they go to Sydney. The F4, still on the honeymoon, meet another beautiful girl named Tiffany****. For the night Tiffany wears a dress. This is the legend of New Caledonia, said Paris Hilton.
I couldn't make this up if I tried. Best part? The students realizing too late that they had made Jessica and Ghandi a lesbian couple but I said to them "why not? women can love each other too." They still seemed slightly distressed. Let's just say many Koreans seem to not yet be comfortable with the idea that they may actually know people who are gay or lesbian. It seems acceptable as long as it's a character in a movie or someone they don't know (a recently popular movie here was about gay bakery shop workers).
Handy References:
*Gun Jun Pyo= leader of the oh-so-stylish F4 in the drama "Boys Over Flowers" (꽃보다 남자), a sort of rich gang who control the rich high they attend. They're also the most desirable men in Korea and Gu Jun Pyo the most desirable because he is the richest. (He's also tall and handsome which can't hurt either). He's also a total jerk on the outside but is all sensitive on the inside (sound familiar?). For a pretty good summary of the story of the drama and the characters, go here. Also, New Caledonia is one of the places the F4 go to in the drama for a vacay.
**"Gee, Gee, Gee" was the hottest single by Korean girls pop group, Girls' Generation for a long while (still kinda popular now but slowly dying out, thank God). Yes there really are 9 members. Lord knows why since none of them are particularly talented.
***Jessica is one of the members of Girls' Generation. Also, according to my students, in Korean it's common to say a guy is "hunting" or chasing a girl so while it sounds kind of terrible in English they don't mean it in a violent way.
****Tiffany is also another member of Girls' Generation.
I'll update with more stories later.
Class M's Story:
In New Caledonia, Shrek is so sexy.[yes as in the green ogre from the movie] Gu Jun Pyo* was kissing Fiona. They are sleeping. They have a baby. She divorces Shrek and is alone with the donkey. Gu Jun Pyo killed the donkey. "Um," said F4,"no, no, no Jun Pyo." Then Gu Jun Pyo said "Gee, gee, gee."** Finally F4 goes crazy and goes to a club. Suddenly, surprisingly, F4 sees Jessica*** and begins hunting her. So then Jessica and F4 go on a honeymoon. Fiona goes to Manhatten with her daughter, Gandhi [yes, that Ghandi]. Ghandi is a pretty girl. Ghandi learns cooking and cooks a dog for Fiona. F4 is playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!" with Jessica and Gu Jun Pyo wins. Jessica lost so she must leave the F4. Ghandi is a genius at cooking and goes to Mississippi for a cooking contest. Shrek looks for Fiona and Jessica meets Ghandi in Mississippi and the fall in love and get married and they go to Sydney. The F4, still on the honeymoon, meet another beautiful girl named Tiffany****. For the night Tiffany wears a dress. This is the legend of New Caledonia, said Paris Hilton.
I couldn't make this up if I tried. Best part? The students realizing too late that they had made Jessica and Ghandi a lesbian couple but I said to them "why not? women can love each other too." They still seemed slightly distressed. Let's just say many Koreans seem to not yet be comfortable with the idea that they may actually know people who are gay or lesbian. It seems acceptable as long as it's a character in a movie or someone they don't know (a recently popular movie here was about gay bakery shop workers).
Handy References:
*Gun Jun Pyo= leader of the oh-so-stylish F4 in the drama "Boys Over Flowers" (꽃보다 남자), a sort of rich gang who control the rich high they attend. They're also the most desirable men in Korea and Gu Jun Pyo the most desirable because he is the richest. (He's also tall and handsome which can't hurt either). He's also a total jerk on the outside but is all sensitive on the inside (sound familiar?). For a pretty good summary of the story of the drama and the characters, go here. Also, New Caledonia is one of the places the F4 go to in the drama for a vacay.
**"Gee, Gee, Gee" was the hottest single by Korean girls pop group, Girls' Generation for a long while (still kinda popular now but slowly dying out, thank God). Yes there really are 9 members. Lord knows why since none of them are particularly talented.
***Jessica is one of the members of Girls' Generation. Also, according to my students, in Korean it's common to say a guy is "hunting" or chasing a girl so while it sounds kind of terrible in English they don't mean it in a violent way.
****Tiffany is also another member of Girls' Generation.
I'll update with more stories later.
3/2/09
The Invisible (Wo)man
So today was my first day back to work and since the Korean school year is different from the States, it was also the first day of the new school year. They had this grand opening ceremony to welcome the freshmen, though, as with most ceremonies, it was all rather pointless. And as usual, everything was chaotic and disorganized as no one ever bothers to plan ahead (at least no one at my school). I didn't even get my teaching schedule until last night and for most of today, I wasn't even sure if I'd be officially teaching or not.
It almost feels like I never had that 2-month-long vacation. And what I could never really pinpoint before, about what I really hate about living in Korea and working at this particular high school, is that I simply feel invisible most of the time. I thought things would be better after I went on this teacher's retreat a few weeks ago where the teachers seemed much more open to talking with me. But today it was back to normal. It's even worse now, though, than before because at least before I was in a satellite gyomoshil (teacher's office area) that was small and isolated but now that I'm in the main one, I really feel out of place.
For one, there's this swirl of activity that's always happening right near my desk (which is right next to the copier and printer) with teachers talking and sometimes leaning on my cubicle to talk with each other. Meanwhile, I feel completely left out on several different levels-mainly, linguistically and culturally. While a few teachers did talk to me, most ignored me. I know it's (mostly) not a mean-sprited thing, and part of it is my fault--I'm hardly the most friendly or gregarious person--but still, it'd be nice if there could even be the slightest acknowledgement that I am a fellow teacher, not just some random foreigner crashing at the school for awhile. I also thought letting them know I speak Korean would help but it doesn't seem to matter. To them I'm foreign and therefore "other."
But in a weird way, I also feel like it's not just that I'm invisible but that I'm also under constant and intense scrutiny. What I do, how I act, what I say all represent "American" for the Koreans around me and so I feel like I have to always be on my absolute best behavior. At school and at my homestay I feel like I always have to have my guard up, I can't just relax and be myself fully. And especially at school I always feel a little tense and awkward sitting at my desk, never feeling like I fully belong, like I'm some imposter. I feel like I constantly have to put on this act that shows that Americans aren't always loud and obnoxious, that they're not rude and culturally clueless. It's a burden certainly, but an even heavier one to carry when you feel like no one's paying attention to you most of the time anyway.
So even as I feel the familiar dread of going back to school tomorrow creep over me, I'm also weirdly optimistic that it'll be different this time around. But part of me knows nothing's gonna change and certainly not anytime soon...
It almost feels like I never had that 2-month-long vacation. And what I could never really pinpoint before, about what I really hate about living in Korea and working at this particular high school, is that I simply feel invisible most of the time. I thought things would be better after I went on this teacher's retreat a few weeks ago where the teachers seemed much more open to talking with me. But today it was back to normal. It's even worse now, though, than before because at least before I was in a satellite gyomoshil (teacher's office area) that was small and isolated but now that I'm in the main one, I really feel out of place.
For one, there's this swirl of activity that's always happening right near my desk (which is right next to the copier and printer) with teachers talking and sometimes leaning on my cubicle to talk with each other. Meanwhile, I feel completely left out on several different levels-mainly, linguistically and culturally. While a few teachers did talk to me, most ignored me. I know it's (mostly) not a mean-sprited thing, and part of it is my fault--I'm hardly the most friendly or gregarious person--but still, it'd be nice if there could even be the slightest acknowledgement that I am a fellow teacher, not just some random foreigner crashing at the school for awhile. I also thought letting them know I speak Korean would help but it doesn't seem to matter. To them I'm foreign and therefore "other."
But in a weird way, I also feel like it's not just that I'm invisible but that I'm also under constant and intense scrutiny. What I do, how I act, what I say all represent "American" for the Koreans around me and so I feel like I have to always be on my absolute best behavior. At school and at my homestay I feel like I always have to have my guard up, I can't just relax and be myself fully. And especially at school I always feel a little tense and awkward sitting at my desk, never feeling like I fully belong, like I'm some imposter. I feel like I constantly have to put on this act that shows that Americans aren't always loud and obnoxious, that they're not rude and culturally clueless. It's a burden certainly, but an even heavier one to carry when you feel like no one's paying attention to you most of the time anyway.
So even as I feel the familiar dread of going back to school tomorrow creep over me, I'm also weirdly optimistic that it'll be different this time around. But part of me knows nothing's gonna change and certainly not anytime soon...
2/8/09
Holding Cell
The thing about being in a long distance relationship is that more than missing the person all the time, more than feeling like every visit with the other person mustn't be wasted--not even one second, more than feeling like you're sometimes in some sort of weird phantom relationship, is that it just feels like your relationship has been placed on hold. It's really the best way to describe it, at least for my situation.
When K and I agreed to keep our relationship going after college, we knew it'd have to be long distance. We'd both agreed that it'd be best not to make huge future plans based on each other. I think we both wanted to be realistic about the situation--neither of us wanted to make decisions that we'd regret and might blame the other person for that decision. Things change. People change. Feelings change. At the end of the day you need to make decisions that are best for you, not someone else, because ultimately you're the person who has to live with those decisions. And the last thing I'd want is for K to make a decision based around me and then end up severely regretting it. Even if he never actually admitted to feeling this way, I think a small part of him would (I mean anyone would, wouldn't they?). And I wouldn't want it the other way around either, where I might end up resenting K for a decision that really I made myself. I do have a tendency (a very bad tendency) to blame others.
Things kind of worked out in the end although I suppose not really because we're still doing the long distance thing. But it hasn't been as terrible as I thought. It's been hard, sure, but maybe we're both in denial or something but we're making it work. We do our best to talk everyday via Skype (God, I love Skype). We keep up with each other's lives--our annoying co-workers, workplace blunders, our daily routine, etc. etc. We also don't do the "it's ok to hook up with people thing" because I just don't see the point. In my opinion, once you reach that stage in the relationship, you might as well end it. If you want to hook up with other people so badly, just do it, but don't hold on to a relationship while doing it. Because you're just screwing yourself in the end. You can't have both.
The one thing I miss, besides being able to actually hug K and see him everyday, is that we can't have deep converstions anymore. It's too hard trying to do serious talks on Skype or over the phone. It just doesn't work. Which is why we keep our conversations on the lighter side of things. It sucks because that's how you really get to know a person and how a relationship develops. But I'd rather be in this holding cell with K than have no relationship with him at all.
When K and I agreed to keep our relationship going after college, we knew it'd have to be long distance. We'd both agreed that it'd be best not to make huge future plans based on each other. I think we both wanted to be realistic about the situation--neither of us wanted to make decisions that we'd regret and might blame the other person for that decision. Things change. People change. Feelings change. At the end of the day you need to make decisions that are best for you, not someone else, because ultimately you're the person who has to live with those decisions. And the last thing I'd want is for K to make a decision based around me and then end up severely regretting it. Even if he never actually admitted to feeling this way, I think a small part of him would (I mean anyone would, wouldn't they?). And I wouldn't want it the other way around either, where I might end up resenting K for a decision that really I made myself. I do have a tendency (a very bad tendency) to blame others.
Things kind of worked out in the end although I suppose not really because we're still doing the long distance thing. But it hasn't been as terrible as I thought. It's been hard, sure, but maybe we're both in denial or something but we're making it work. We do our best to talk everyday via Skype (God, I love Skype). We keep up with each other's lives--our annoying co-workers, workplace blunders, our daily routine, etc. etc. We also don't do the "it's ok to hook up with people thing" because I just don't see the point. In my opinion, once you reach that stage in the relationship, you might as well end it. If you want to hook up with other people so badly, just do it, but don't hold on to a relationship while doing it. Because you're just screwing yourself in the end. You can't have both.
The one thing I miss, besides being able to actually hug K and see him everyday, is that we can't have deep converstions anymore. It's too hard trying to do serious talks on Skype or over the phone. It just doesn't work. Which is why we keep our conversations on the lighter side of things. It sucks because that's how you really get to know a person and how a relationship develops. But I'd rather be in this holding cell with K than have no relationship with him at all.
1/15/09
The Hell that was High School
I'm gonna go on a tangent now. Mostly because I'm tired of thinking about Korea all the time and I'm a little tired of being here right now. But also because if there's one experience that really shaped me, it was my horrible high school experience. When I tell people about it, I don't think they ever really believe me when I say how terrible it was. And to a certain degree, I can understand that. There are plenty of people who hated high school besides me but I think that for most people, high school was just ok (unless you were one of those mofo's who actually liked high school). And it's hard to convey the absolute suckiness that was my high school if you didn't go there. I'll admit that while my hormones and general teenage angsty-ness certainly had something to do with my hatred, looking back on it I think I would have hated it no matter what.
For one, I was constantly under a ton of pressure to do well, a pressure I felt from literally everyone around me--my family, my friends (who also were competing with me in some respects), and my peers who would make these little comments to me or pigeonhole me as the "nerdy, smart Asian." Not to mention the pressure I put on myself to do well. Ironically, I must say it was mostly out of my very hatred for my high school that drove me to do well. The light at the end of the tunnel for me was knowing that I would one day be attending a top-ranked college and that most of my classmates would not be. Petty? Yes. But I know I'm not the only person who felt this way about their high school classmates. But I'll say this time and again: being able to get good grades in high school is really not about being "smart." It's mostly about memorizing information, time management and following orders. And I happened to be good at all those things.
Anyway, you're probably wondering why I hated my school so much. It really was because of the people who went to my school. While there were a few people who were ok, the vast majority of people who attended my school were rich, spoiled, snobby kids who didn't care about anything but themselves. And the kids who weren't rich sure tried to act like they were. Even then the whole thing disgusted me. For one, I never understood the whole "popular" clique thing. I mean they were all practically clones of each other, wearing the same ugly yet trendy clothes, sickeningly orange spray tans and those godawful Uggs. If you have money, my god, why don't you buy some better clothes??? That's one thing that really drives me crazy--if you've got the money but you still dress like crap. Anyway, I never, ever wanted to be friends with these people and I kept my distance from them as much as possible. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why there was so much hype about these uninteresting, not very intelligent, nor witty, nor charming group of people. I remember I had to suppress a laugh when some of the
"it" girls of my high school would come in wearing 4-inch stilettos. Like, really? Who are you trying to impress?
Then there were all the wanna-bes. Which in a way, I thought was even worse-trying so hard to be something that isn't even worth imitating. Then there was everyone else. I felt mostly throughout my high school career that I fit in absolutely nowhere. I wasn't goth or punk, I wasn't a complete nerd, I wasn't "Korean enough" for the Koreans, etc. etc. I felt like I was always trying to find my way, my people but neither were to be found at my high school. While I had friends, I had less and less as the years went by, partly because of typical differences that drive people apart but mostly because I began to see people's true colors. And I didn't really like what I saw. I began to see just how different I was from everyone else (people at my school thought it was absolutely strange that I actually enjoyed reading The New York Times everyday and that I in fact, hated Uggs--and still do). I was always looking forward to the future (my God I couldn't wait for graduation) and I knew that high school was just a stepping stone for me. For other people, high school was it. Which I think is way worse. I mean, to peak that young, that early can't be good.
By the time my high school prom rolled around, I thought "screw it--why am I gonna waste all this money and time to go to a lame dance with a bunch of people I don't even like?" So I didn't go. I didn't even really consider going. And I honestly don't regret it at all. I don't think I would have enjoyed myself if I went and I probably wouldn't have let myself enjoy it really. For some reason, this always surprises people. Maybe I'm the weird one, but I don't see what the big effin' deal is. It's a glorified high school dance. That's it.
So recently I was invited to my high school's facebook group. And I hesitated, actually, more like mulled over whether or not to join. I know, such a stupid thing to waste time thinking about but I was really torn because part of me wanted to get a glimpse into what my former classmates were up to (did all my predictions come true?) but part of me really wanted to bury those 4 years of my life forever. But in the end, I cracked and joined. And I have gotten some admitedly smug satisfaction looking at my former classmate's tiny pictures (since I'm not facebook friends with most of them, of course) and even in those small sizes I can tell that many of them are not aging well. Many have gained a significant amount of weight (perhaps all that binge drinking they've been engaging in since high school?) and damn, it shows. Many do not look nearly as attractive as they did in high school (perhaps all that fake tanning they've been doing since high school?) And many of them just look old and haggard (perhaps from too much partying?). And yes, as terrible as it sounds, it does make me feel good. I know for a fact that I look better now than when I was in high school. I mean, that's not actually saying much since I didn't have time to really care how I looked in high school and it definitely showed (let's just say, the eyebrows weren't tweazed, the legs weren't always clean-shaven, the hair was usually a mess, the eyes always had dark shadows, I was a bit chubbier then, and my fashion sense definitely hadn't developed then). But I definitely grew more into my face, which was still very much a baby face when I was in school. I lost some weight (no dieting, just started eating healthier). And the rest of the grooming is good now, I think. Basically, I feel like I hit my true adolescence later than everyone else. But I'd prefer looking better now than in high school.
I know I'm not the only one who secretly likes seeing people they formerly disliked not looking their best. I know, I know, it's mean, it's petty, but it makes me feel like all the pain, all the crap I had to go through in high school was totally worth it. While I wasn't exactly bullied or anything serious like that, I still got a lot of crap. I had "friends" back stab me, people saying the most ignorant things to me, oh and people using me. Oh god I absolutely hated group projects. Especially when you couldn't choose who you could work with. I'd usually end up with the slackers or worse, and because everyone knew I was gunning for the top, they knew I'd do all the work anyway. Which is usually what ended up happening. Even if the other members did try to contribute it wasn't usually "A" material. So I'd do it all by myself to ensure a good grade. It killed me that everyone else would get a good grade because of me. But so it goes.
I could go on and on but I'm sure everyone has thier own bitter high school stories. All I can say is thank god for an amazing college experience that really made all that hard work and torture that was high school for me pay off. Corny and cliched as it sounds, I really felt like I "found" msyelf, my people and my way in college. So, as bitter as I still am about high school, in the end I know it was the tradeoff for having a good college experience. And to me, it wasn't such a bad tradeoff after all.
For one, I was constantly under a ton of pressure to do well, a pressure I felt from literally everyone around me--my family, my friends (who also were competing with me in some respects), and my peers who would make these little comments to me or pigeonhole me as the "nerdy, smart Asian." Not to mention the pressure I put on myself to do well. Ironically, I must say it was mostly out of my very hatred for my high school that drove me to do well. The light at the end of the tunnel for me was knowing that I would one day be attending a top-ranked college and that most of my classmates would not be. Petty? Yes. But I know I'm not the only person who felt this way about their high school classmates. But I'll say this time and again: being able to get good grades in high school is really not about being "smart." It's mostly about memorizing information, time management and following orders. And I happened to be good at all those things.
Anyway, you're probably wondering why I hated my school so much. It really was because of the people who went to my school. While there were a few people who were ok, the vast majority of people who attended my school were rich, spoiled, snobby kids who didn't care about anything but themselves. And the kids who weren't rich sure tried to act like they were. Even then the whole thing disgusted me. For one, I never understood the whole "popular" clique thing. I mean they were all practically clones of each other, wearing the same ugly yet trendy clothes, sickeningly orange spray tans and those godawful Uggs. If you have money, my god, why don't you buy some better clothes??? That's one thing that really drives me crazy--if you've got the money but you still dress like crap. Anyway, I never, ever wanted to be friends with these people and I kept my distance from them as much as possible. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why there was so much hype about these uninteresting, not very intelligent, nor witty, nor charming group of people. I remember I had to suppress a laugh when some of the
"it" girls of my high school would come in wearing 4-inch stilettos. Like, really? Who are you trying to impress?
Then there were all the wanna-bes. Which in a way, I thought was even worse-trying so hard to be something that isn't even worth imitating. Then there was everyone else. I felt mostly throughout my high school career that I fit in absolutely nowhere. I wasn't goth or punk, I wasn't a complete nerd, I wasn't "Korean enough" for the Koreans, etc. etc. I felt like I was always trying to find my way, my people but neither were to be found at my high school. While I had friends, I had less and less as the years went by, partly because of typical differences that drive people apart but mostly because I began to see people's true colors. And I didn't really like what I saw. I began to see just how different I was from everyone else (people at my school thought it was absolutely strange that I actually enjoyed reading The New York Times everyday and that I in fact, hated Uggs--and still do). I was always looking forward to the future (my God I couldn't wait for graduation) and I knew that high school was just a stepping stone for me. For other people, high school was it. Which I think is way worse. I mean, to peak that young, that early can't be good.
By the time my high school prom rolled around, I thought "screw it--why am I gonna waste all this money and time to go to a lame dance with a bunch of people I don't even like?" So I didn't go. I didn't even really consider going. And I honestly don't regret it at all. I don't think I would have enjoyed myself if I went and I probably wouldn't have let myself enjoy it really. For some reason, this always surprises people. Maybe I'm the weird one, but I don't see what the big effin' deal is. It's a glorified high school dance. That's it.
So recently I was invited to my high school's facebook group. And I hesitated, actually, more like mulled over whether or not to join. I know, such a stupid thing to waste time thinking about but I was really torn because part of me wanted to get a glimpse into what my former classmates were up to (did all my predictions come true?) but part of me really wanted to bury those 4 years of my life forever. But in the end, I cracked and joined. And I have gotten some admitedly smug satisfaction looking at my former classmate's tiny pictures (since I'm not facebook friends with most of them, of course) and even in those small sizes I can tell that many of them are not aging well. Many have gained a significant amount of weight (perhaps all that binge drinking they've been engaging in since high school?) and damn, it shows. Many do not look nearly as attractive as they did in high school (perhaps all that fake tanning they've been doing since high school?) And many of them just look old and haggard (perhaps from too much partying?). And yes, as terrible as it sounds, it does make me feel good. I know for a fact that I look better now than when I was in high school. I mean, that's not actually saying much since I didn't have time to really care how I looked in high school and it definitely showed (let's just say, the eyebrows weren't tweazed, the legs weren't always clean-shaven, the hair was usually a mess, the eyes always had dark shadows, I was a bit chubbier then, and my fashion sense definitely hadn't developed then). But I definitely grew more into my face, which was still very much a baby face when I was in school. I lost some weight (no dieting, just started eating healthier). And the rest of the grooming is good now, I think. Basically, I feel like I hit my true adolescence later than everyone else. But I'd prefer looking better now than in high school.
I know I'm not the only one who secretly likes seeing people they formerly disliked not looking their best. I know, I know, it's mean, it's petty, but it makes me feel like all the pain, all the crap I had to go through in high school was totally worth it. While I wasn't exactly bullied or anything serious like that, I still got a lot of crap. I had "friends" back stab me, people saying the most ignorant things to me, oh and people using me. Oh god I absolutely hated group projects. Especially when you couldn't choose who you could work with. I'd usually end up with the slackers or worse, and because everyone knew I was gunning for the top, they knew I'd do all the work anyway. Which is usually what ended up happening. Even if the other members did try to contribute it wasn't usually "A" material. So I'd do it all by myself to ensure a good grade. It killed me that everyone else would get a good grade because of me. But so it goes.
I could go on and on but I'm sure everyone has thier own bitter high school stories. All I can say is thank god for an amazing college experience that really made all that hard work and torture that was high school for me pay off. Corny and cliched as it sounds, I really felt like I "found" msyelf, my people and my way in college. So, as bitter as I still am about high school, in the end I know it was the tradeoff for having a good college experience. And to me, it wasn't such a bad tradeoff after all.
1/10/09
Letting the Dust Settle
So I'm far too behind in my blogging. There are so many notes I've written that somehow never turned into actual written posts. I feel like I just keep getting busier and busier, but now that I have a nice long break before school starts up again, I'm gonna try really hard to catch up. And stick to writing a post at least once a week.
Let's begin with the present and work our way back. I came back from a much-needed trip to Japan 2 weeks ago and I really loved it. Everything was super clean, people were pretty friendly and the food was pretty good. Only bad thing was the currency exchange between the Korean won and the yen is absolutely horrible now so I got kinda screwed with that but honestly it was totally worth it for me. I needed a break from Korea and Japan was perfect for that. In fact, I'd say Japan now is where Korea will probably be in the next 20-30 years. Not that Korea is horribly behind or anything, I mean it's really amazing how much progress they've made in such a short period of time, but I guess sometimes I forget that Korea is still a developing country rather than a developed country.
I probably should explain why I was (and still a little bit am) so eager to leave Korea. I've been feeling pretty homesick lately. I haven't been this far away from home for this long ever. So it's definitely a rather new experience for me. And I'm pretty sick of my school, the teachers, not having my own apartment to live in, not even being able to enjoy shopping anymore. Shopping! I mean I LOVE shopping--but not in Korea. I can't even stand it anymore. I'm just so sick of being bothered by overly aggressive salespeople who really cannot or will not take a hint. I know it's partly cultural, but if I tell you twice politely that I don't need your help and thus do not want your help, why do you keep trying to offer it? And the thing is if these damn salespeople think they know what I like better than I do, but they're dead wrong.
I'm an extremely picky person--I don't just buy anything, especially when it comes to clothes, shoes and bags. If I don't like everything about it--the color, the cut, the quality, the design, the price, the fit, if even one of those things is off, than I probably won't buy it. Unless it's pretty cheap or something, than I might consider buying it. But I really don't budge. And these salespeople think they can sway me by making me feel guilty--but it ain't gonna happen because not only am I picky as hell but I'm also rather frugal. I don't shell out full price on anything unless it's really amazing, unique, necessary, etc.
Speaking of, I did buy a pretty expensive leather bag the other day. But it was pretty much exactly what I've been looking for for a long time now--a black leather satchel with some detailing but not too much, about medium size. And so for me, it was totally worth it to shell out. Actually it's the first time I've bought such an expensive thing for myself. Because that's the other thing. I don't really like spending too much money on myself. I really don't. Unless it's like a leather bag, or a nice pair of heels, both of which I think are investments and therefore worth the money. When it comes to presents for other people, I tend to be a lot more generous--the way I think it should be.
Anyway, besides petty annoyances like that, I also had kind of a big blowout with my school. I finally got up the courage to ask about the possibility of receiving extra compensation for the extra hours I've been teaching and my co-teacher laughed. To my face. And then when he saw that I was serious, he right away told me "No." The thing that drives me up the friggin' wall with my co-teacher is that he lies to me. He tried to tell me there's no money in the budget, which is certainly possible, but instead of saying "oh but let me see what I can do" he just says "no." That's what pisses me off. Of course I'm aware that the school isn't rich, they're constantly reminding me of it. But he could do his job and ask the people who actually know about the budget instead of completely shooting me down.
I just felt so used at that moment. Like they're just trying to get the most work out of me at the cheapest price. Add on to that the fact that he never wants to stick to the contract and complains if I bring it up. But without that goddamn contract, I have nothing. So of course I'm gonna use it. And also, it's not like any of this should be a surprise since the school and my co-teacher got the contract way in advance of my arrival. The other thing is that I'm not exactly getting paid that much in the first place. I'm under a fellowship and getting paid less than what I could get as a regular foreign teacher. Add on to that the fact that I have to buy my own supplies for any activities I want to do (which adds up really fast when you have about 240+ students) and you can see why I might want some extra money.
So now I feel extremely bitter towards the school. I've lost my goodwill really and I've even started to dread going there. For one thing, it's always super freezing there. For another, I really don't want to see my co-teacher. I don't even try to hide my disdain anymore. What is he gonna do, fire me? I'm probably one of the best native English teachers they've had in awhile. And actually that's not saying all that much because many of the foreign teachers here are a joke. Many come here not because they want to teach but because they can't get a job back in the States or something like that. Also the principle of the school loves me so if my co-teacher tried to fire me I'm pretty sure he'd get shot down pretty quickly.
And I hate feeling this way because it really just hurts the students in the end. But I tried so hard and the school really doesn't appreciate or even acknowledge it. So I've resigned myself to just getting by. I know that's not the best work ethic but for the sake of my sanity I can't do it anymore. I can't keep bending over backwards for a school that doesn't seem to even care one way or another. I mean that doesn't mean I'm just not gonna do anything at all, I'll still try to be a good teacher but only for the students and only inside the classroom. Any extra things the school might try to get me to do, I'm not going to and I don't want to.
The irony is, of course, that my school is obsessed with foreign teachers, they feel it's an absolute necessity to have one. But when they get one, no matter how good or bad, they treat us the same. Like we're disposable and replaceable things that have come only to serve as teachers and have no other ambitions, desires, or lives outside of school. If we're so necessary, why treat us like we're not? I'm not saying we should be put on a special pedestal or anything, but just treat us with some understanding and respect. There are going to be misunderstandings, cultural barriers, and tension but those problems aren't necessarily insurmountable ones.
I've also gotten quite tired of the teachers at my school, especially the male teachers. Actually I pretty much don't like any of them. One got all petty and immature because I rejected him (as in he has a GIRLFRIEND but still asked me out), another got all petty and immature because I "showed" my anger to him (it was already a BAD day and he literally shooed me away from my own classroom like I was a child-in front of my students-I might add because they were using it for something when no one had bothered to tell me and he didn't even explain, just shooed me away) and another one made the most unbelievable comment to one of my fellow young, female teachers. In order to understand the context of the comment, you need to know that for the past few years at my high school, an all girls school, there have been these weird, creepy guys who would come to the school at night (when the students have "self-study" which is until around 9pm) and would flash the girls. Like full-frontal. And of course the girls were scared (and probably grossed out). The school's solution? Have the lone teacher on duty to supervise the students also "patrol" the area.
Ok, first of all, sometimes there are 2 flasher guys who come together, so already the teacher is at a disadvantage. Secondly, a young, female teacher supervising alone is probably NOT a good idea. But it still happened anyway. Thirdly, what exactly can the teacher do to protect the students? They don't have a weapon, they're not trained in self-defense, I mean they have like nothing. So my fellow teacher was talking to another teacher about the situation and mentioned that she was worried about what could happen to her if she was alone, supervising and the men came. They could attack her or worse, rape her. Do you know what this male teacher said in response? That a woman getting raped is the same as when a male teacher feels "sick." I mean first of all, WTH? How does that even compare? I mean I'm not sure how you can compare rape to anything but especially that comparison is so unbelievably problematic. Rape is usually done by men to women. Rape is about power and the dynamics of gender power undoubtedly play a role for many men. So for a man to sit there and say that he could even comprehend rape for a woman or even dare compare it to "feeling sick" just made me see these male teachers just don't get it. I mean even in the cultural context of Korea where the gender dynamic still very much favors men over women, that's still a pretty incredible thing to say. Needless to say, the female teacher was pretty appalled herself.
Do you see? Do you see what I have to put up with? I mean there's being sexist, and then there's this.
That's my school in a nutshell. Oh there's been lots of other drama but I think you get the point now. Anyway, I'll keep updating but more like backtracking and hopefully will catch up by the time my vacation is over. **Crossed fingers**
Let's begin with the present and work our way back. I came back from a much-needed trip to Japan 2 weeks ago and I really loved it. Everything was super clean, people were pretty friendly and the food was pretty good. Only bad thing was the currency exchange between the Korean won and the yen is absolutely horrible now so I got kinda screwed with that but honestly it was totally worth it for me. I needed a break from Korea and Japan was perfect for that. In fact, I'd say Japan now is where Korea will probably be in the next 20-30 years. Not that Korea is horribly behind or anything, I mean it's really amazing how much progress they've made in such a short period of time, but I guess sometimes I forget that Korea is still a developing country rather than a developed country.
I probably should explain why I was (and still a little bit am) so eager to leave Korea. I've been feeling pretty homesick lately. I haven't been this far away from home for this long ever. So it's definitely a rather new experience for me. And I'm pretty sick of my school, the teachers, not having my own apartment to live in, not even being able to enjoy shopping anymore. Shopping! I mean I LOVE shopping--but not in Korea. I can't even stand it anymore. I'm just so sick of being bothered by overly aggressive salespeople who really cannot or will not take a hint. I know it's partly cultural, but if I tell you twice politely that I don't need your help and thus do not want your help, why do you keep trying to offer it? And the thing is if these damn salespeople think they know what I like better than I do, but they're dead wrong.
I'm an extremely picky person--I don't just buy anything, especially when it comes to clothes, shoes and bags. If I don't like everything about it--the color, the cut, the quality, the design, the price, the fit, if even one of those things is off, than I probably won't buy it. Unless it's pretty cheap or something, than I might consider buying it. But I really don't budge. And these salespeople think they can sway me by making me feel guilty--but it ain't gonna happen because not only am I picky as hell but I'm also rather frugal. I don't shell out full price on anything unless it's really amazing, unique, necessary, etc.
Speaking of, I did buy a pretty expensive leather bag the other day. But it was pretty much exactly what I've been looking for for a long time now--a black leather satchel with some detailing but not too much, about medium size. And so for me, it was totally worth it to shell out. Actually it's the first time I've bought such an expensive thing for myself. Because that's the other thing. I don't really like spending too much money on myself. I really don't. Unless it's like a leather bag, or a nice pair of heels, both of which I think are investments and therefore worth the money. When it comes to presents for other people, I tend to be a lot more generous--the way I think it should be.
Anyway, besides petty annoyances like that, I also had kind of a big blowout with my school. I finally got up the courage to ask about the possibility of receiving extra compensation for the extra hours I've been teaching and my co-teacher laughed. To my face. And then when he saw that I was serious, he right away told me "No." The thing that drives me up the friggin' wall with my co-teacher is that he lies to me. He tried to tell me there's no money in the budget, which is certainly possible, but instead of saying "oh but let me see what I can do" he just says "no." That's what pisses me off. Of course I'm aware that the school isn't rich, they're constantly reminding me of it. But he could do his job and ask the people who actually know about the budget instead of completely shooting me down.
I just felt so used at that moment. Like they're just trying to get the most work out of me at the cheapest price. Add on to that the fact that he never wants to stick to the contract and complains if I bring it up. But without that goddamn contract, I have nothing. So of course I'm gonna use it. And also, it's not like any of this should be a surprise since the school and my co-teacher got the contract way in advance of my arrival. The other thing is that I'm not exactly getting paid that much in the first place. I'm under a fellowship and getting paid less than what I could get as a regular foreign teacher. Add on to that the fact that I have to buy my own supplies for any activities I want to do (which adds up really fast when you have about 240+ students) and you can see why I might want some extra money.
So now I feel extremely bitter towards the school. I've lost my goodwill really and I've even started to dread going there. For one thing, it's always super freezing there. For another, I really don't want to see my co-teacher. I don't even try to hide my disdain anymore. What is he gonna do, fire me? I'm probably one of the best native English teachers they've had in awhile. And actually that's not saying all that much because many of the foreign teachers here are a joke. Many come here not because they want to teach but because they can't get a job back in the States or something like that. Also the principle of the school loves me so if my co-teacher tried to fire me I'm pretty sure he'd get shot down pretty quickly.
And I hate feeling this way because it really just hurts the students in the end. But I tried so hard and the school really doesn't appreciate or even acknowledge it. So I've resigned myself to just getting by. I know that's not the best work ethic but for the sake of my sanity I can't do it anymore. I can't keep bending over backwards for a school that doesn't seem to even care one way or another. I mean that doesn't mean I'm just not gonna do anything at all, I'll still try to be a good teacher but only for the students and only inside the classroom. Any extra things the school might try to get me to do, I'm not going to and I don't want to.
The irony is, of course, that my school is obsessed with foreign teachers, they feel it's an absolute necessity to have one. But when they get one, no matter how good or bad, they treat us the same. Like we're disposable and replaceable things that have come only to serve as teachers and have no other ambitions, desires, or lives outside of school. If we're so necessary, why treat us like we're not? I'm not saying we should be put on a special pedestal or anything, but just treat us with some understanding and respect. There are going to be misunderstandings, cultural barriers, and tension but those problems aren't necessarily insurmountable ones.
I've also gotten quite tired of the teachers at my school, especially the male teachers. Actually I pretty much don't like any of them. One got all petty and immature because I rejected him (as in he has a GIRLFRIEND but still asked me out), another got all petty and immature because I "showed" my anger to him (it was already a BAD day and he literally shooed me away from my own classroom like I was a child-in front of my students-I might add because they were using it for something when no one had bothered to tell me and he didn't even explain, just shooed me away) and another one made the most unbelievable comment to one of my fellow young, female teachers. In order to understand the context of the comment, you need to know that for the past few years at my high school, an all girls school, there have been these weird, creepy guys who would come to the school at night (when the students have "self-study" which is until around 9pm) and would flash the girls. Like full-frontal. And of course the girls were scared (and probably grossed out). The school's solution? Have the lone teacher on duty to supervise the students also "patrol" the area.
Ok, first of all, sometimes there are 2 flasher guys who come together, so already the teacher is at a disadvantage. Secondly, a young, female teacher supervising alone is probably NOT a good idea. But it still happened anyway. Thirdly, what exactly can the teacher do to protect the students? They don't have a weapon, they're not trained in self-defense, I mean they have like nothing. So my fellow teacher was talking to another teacher about the situation and mentioned that she was worried about what could happen to her if she was alone, supervising and the men came. They could attack her or worse, rape her. Do you know what this male teacher said in response? That a woman getting raped is the same as when a male teacher feels "sick." I mean first of all, WTH? How does that even compare? I mean I'm not sure how you can compare rape to anything but especially that comparison is so unbelievably problematic. Rape is usually done by men to women. Rape is about power and the dynamics of gender power undoubtedly play a role for many men. So for a man to sit there and say that he could even comprehend rape for a woman or even dare compare it to "feeling sick" just made me see these male teachers just don't get it. I mean even in the cultural context of Korea where the gender dynamic still very much favors men over women, that's still a pretty incredible thing to say. Needless to say, the female teacher was pretty appalled herself.
Do you see? Do you see what I have to put up with? I mean there's being sexist, and then there's this.
That's my school in a nutshell. Oh there's been lots of other drama but I think you get the point now. Anyway, I'll keep updating but more like backtracking and hopefully will catch up by the time my vacation is over. **Crossed fingers**
10/14/08
First Days
Let's back up a bit before I completely forget how it all began. It was really overwhelming meeting so many new people, starting my new job, and being away from my new friends. The first month was by far the hardest. Suddenly I had to figure out how to be a teacher. I had to come up with lesson plans and discipline plans and all sorts of things you never think about unless you're a teacher. I also had to become very organized because I have 12 classes to keep in order, 2 different grades and levels I have to teach, on top of a somewhat complicated schedule. So I really didn't get much sleep or time to even really catch my breath that first month. But I think it paid off because the system I have in place now is working pretty well and is one I can keep using and adapting as need be.
My school being rigorous and all, expected me to teach 2 days immediately after I had moved from Orientation to my homestay. Despite clearly being exhausted, they were pretty firm that they wanted me to start right away. Not only that but they wanted me to teach more than I was expecting to teach. A lot more. Originally, according to my contract at least, I'm only supposed to be teaching a total of 20 hours a week. Most of my fellow teachers teach about this much or less (in some cases, much, much less--damn them). I teach about 24 hours a week, which doesn't sound so bad but factor in that I see all my classes twice a week so that not only am I teaching a lot but I also have a lot of lesson planning to do. And lesson planning does take time. A big part of teaching is being prepared. For anything. You really have to be on top of your game or else the lesson will inevitably fail. And not only that, but I've been trying to make the lessons as creative and interesting as possible so that the students are at least enjoying the lesson while they're learning. Especially for my "first-graders" (this is how they refer to high school freshman in Korea) who I teach using a boring textbook because the school wanted me to use the textbook. At least with my 2nd-graders (sophomores) Advanced classes the school gave me free reign to teach them as I pleased. I ended up agreeing to the extra hours because well, it didn't seem like I had much of a choice. I was also hoping that the school would perhaps be a bit more flexible with me later on in terms of scheduling, and the like if I was initially flexible with them.
Anyway, I was pretty nervous about my first day. I was tired, severely sleep-deprived and feeling wholly inadequate about myself as a teacher. Before this year I had never formally taught in a classroom and the only "teaching" experience I had was tutoring elementary school kids and working at a summer camp. Luckily the students had more than enough energy to make up for my lack--they were very excited about the "new foreign teacher" and would randomly shout "Hi!" to me in the hallway and giggle. In class they were also very excited and actually probably behaved best that first week. I made sure to be more strict than usual just so the students knew who was boss. But since I do teach at the best high school in my city, the students are already highly motivated and well-behaved. And since it's an all girls school, they're a bit easier to control, in my opinion, than boys. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with high school boys. High school girls, I can tease them about boyfriends (real or make-believe) and boy bands and their hair. Boys? I don't even know what I'd say to them.
The first day was definitely a day of learning for me. I learned that Korean teachers at my school always wear slippers when teaching (in fact, most Korean schools require this) and you're supposed to leave your regular shoes in a cubby by the entrance to the school. The students also wear slippers inside the school which is supposed to cut down on the dirtiness. The thing that doesn't make sense about that, however, is that since my class is in another building, I have to walk outside with my slippers and then back into the school. So it almost seems pointless to change shoes, but I guess it's better than nothing. And honestly, I really wouldn't want to teach in heels anyway. Slippers are much more comfortable. Although it is pretty amusing to see the male teachers all dressed up wearing suits with their slippers. Kind of ruins the whole effect of the suit if you ask me.
I also made two pretty embarassing mistakes that first day. So at one point, trying to perhaps foolishly assert my independence, I didn't ask anyone where the bathroom was--"I should be able to find the stupid bathroom by myself, right?" is how my thinking went. And actually it was pretty easy to find it. But then the bathroom itself is kind of weird because you go through the first open door and then there's 2 connected bathroom with entrances on either side and you choose one. I didn't see the signs so I just guessed and went left but just as I was doing that, one of the old male teachers yelled at me in Korean ("ya---where are you going???"). Oh my god, so embarrassing, I accidentally had started going into the men's bathroom. Which you're probably thinking right now: "so what?" and yeah, it maybe wouldn't have been such a big deal except that my school is super conservative and strict. Did I mention that my principal is a nun? Male and female teachers are always separated. It's really bizarre for me considering how much more fluid gender interactions are in the States. And I mean these are our co-workers and collegues, so it just seems strange to self-segregate all the time. Also, honestly I think guys/men/boys can add a different element to a group. The all-women's table at lunch hardly ever laughs while behind me, at the "men's" table, the guys sound like they're at least enjoying each others' company, talking and joking and laughing. And actually this leads into Mistake #2 that I made that first day....
So this mistake was actually not my fault. My co-teacher took me to the bank to open up an account and then took me to get my cell phone during one of my free periods and by the time we got back it was lunchtime. Not really having met any of the other teachers yet, I just sat with my co-teacher since he was the only person I knew at school. So I sat down next to him and this other young male teacher (who I later found out is very popular among the students) and notice as I'm eating lunch awkwardly that some students are pointing at us and whispering. I finally look around the lunch table and notice that I'm the only female teacher at the entire table. Then in horror, I look to the table behind me and notice that ALL the female teachers are sitting there. I turn and ask my co-teacher if I should in fact, be sitting at the other table. And he said "yes probably" but that for today it'd be okay to sit with him. I really wish, however, he would've told me that because it really was kind of strange for me to be sitting there.
The other thing about lunch is that because we eat in the cafeteria with the students (a few of the tables are reserved for us) there is limited space and definitely not enough tables for all the teachers so everyone rushes through lunch. Like seriously wolfs it down. Also, when you're finished eating, it's considered impolite to just leave. You should wait for everyone to finish eating before you leave. And when you're done eating, you put all your leftovers into your bowl and then when you return the tray, you dump the leftovers into this basket, put your spoon and chopsticks into another basket and then finally put the tray away. It makes it much easier for the kitchen staff to clean. And actually it makes sense because it makes it more efficient if everyone does just a little bit of work rather than leaving it all for the kitchen workers.
Also, because I am the "foreigner" I feel like I'm observed much more carefully than other teachers. If I don't put something on my tray from the hot line because I don't want to eat it, the teacher waiting behind me will almost always comment on it. So now I take everything, even if I don't really want it.
Really though, after the first 2 days or so everyone was so busy that they stopped paying so much attention to me. It was kind of awkward though because my birthday is the first week of September, so during the 2nd week of school really, and I wasn't expecting much because you know, I'd just met everyone. But my co-teacher made sure to tell all my students, and one of my classes surprised me with some choco-pie and cookies and a blackboard decorated with drawings and sayings dedicated to my birthday. It was really sweet and it really made my day. Secretly, it's one of my favorite classes not only because my host sister is in that class but because they did that for my birthday. And when I came home, my host mom and sister (who had to give a bogus excuse to get out of night study--more on that later) surprised me with a cake and candles. So all in all, I had a pretty amazing birthday considering I had just met all these new people. Oh and I had an awesome celebration in Seoul with my other friends that weekend so it really was a great birthday. Except for you know, not being able to celebrate with my friends and family from home. But still good.
Since those first days, I feel much more settled but I still feel like sometimes I'm not a "real" teacher. I really wonder what the other teachers think of me, this foriegner with no education background or training coming into their prestigious school and being called a "teacher." I do feel like I'm constantly having to prove something to them, prove that I'm a real teacher, that I really do care about the students, etc. It's exhausting. And it hasn't always been so great with my students either. Next up, a primer on Korean high school girls...
My school being rigorous and all, expected me to teach 2 days immediately after I had moved from Orientation to my homestay. Despite clearly being exhausted, they were pretty firm that they wanted me to start right away. Not only that but they wanted me to teach more than I was expecting to teach. A lot more. Originally, according to my contract at least, I'm only supposed to be teaching a total of 20 hours a week. Most of my fellow teachers teach about this much or less (in some cases, much, much less--damn them). I teach about 24 hours a week, which doesn't sound so bad but factor in that I see all my classes twice a week so that not only am I teaching a lot but I also have a lot of lesson planning to do. And lesson planning does take time. A big part of teaching is being prepared. For anything. You really have to be on top of your game or else the lesson will inevitably fail. And not only that, but I've been trying to make the lessons as creative and interesting as possible so that the students are at least enjoying the lesson while they're learning. Especially for my "first-graders" (this is how they refer to high school freshman in Korea) who I teach using a boring textbook because the school wanted me to use the textbook. At least with my 2nd-graders (sophomores) Advanced classes the school gave me free reign to teach them as I pleased. I ended up agreeing to the extra hours because well, it didn't seem like I had much of a choice. I was also hoping that the school would perhaps be a bit more flexible with me later on in terms of scheduling, and the like if I was initially flexible with them.
Anyway, I was pretty nervous about my first day. I was tired, severely sleep-deprived and feeling wholly inadequate about myself as a teacher. Before this year I had never formally taught in a classroom and the only "teaching" experience I had was tutoring elementary school kids and working at a summer camp. Luckily the students had more than enough energy to make up for my lack--they were very excited about the "new foreign teacher" and would randomly shout "Hi!" to me in the hallway and giggle. In class they were also very excited and actually probably behaved best that first week. I made sure to be more strict than usual just so the students knew who was boss. But since I do teach at the best high school in my city, the students are already highly motivated and well-behaved. And since it's an all girls school, they're a bit easier to control, in my opinion, than boys. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with high school boys. High school girls, I can tease them about boyfriends (real or make-believe) and boy bands and their hair. Boys? I don't even know what I'd say to them.
The first day was definitely a day of learning for me. I learned that Korean teachers at my school always wear slippers when teaching (in fact, most Korean schools require this) and you're supposed to leave your regular shoes in a cubby by the entrance to the school. The students also wear slippers inside the school which is supposed to cut down on the dirtiness. The thing that doesn't make sense about that, however, is that since my class is in another building, I have to walk outside with my slippers and then back into the school. So it almost seems pointless to change shoes, but I guess it's better than nothing. And honestly, I really wouldn't want to teach in heels anyway. Slippers are much more comfortable. Although it is pretty amusing to see the male teachers all dressed up wearing suits with their slippers. Kind of ruins the whole effect of the suit if you ask me.
I also made two pretty embarassing mistakes that first day. So at one point, trying to perhaps foolishly assert my independence, I didn't ask anyone where the bathroom was--"I should be able to find the stupid bathroom by myself, right?" is how my thinking went. And actually it was pretty easy to find it. But then the bathroom itself is kind of weird because you go through the first open door and then there's 2 connected bathroom with entrances on either side and you choose one. I didn't see the signs so I just guessed and went left but just as I was doing that, one of the old male teachers yelled at me in Korean ("ya---where are you going???"). Oh my god, so embarrassing, I accidentally had started going into the men's bathroom. Which you're probably thinking right now: "so what?" and yeah, it maybe wouldn't have been such a big deal except that my school is super conservative and strict. Did I mention that my principal is a nun? Male and female teachers are always separated. It's really bizarre for me considering how much more fluid gender interactions are in the States. And I mean these are our co-workers and collegues, so it just seems strange to self-segregate all the time. Also, honestly I think guys/men/boys can add a different element to a group. The all-women's table at lunch hardly ever laughs while behind me, at the "men's" table, the guys sound like they're at least enjoying each others' company, talking and joking and laughing. And actually this leads into Mistake #2 that I made that first day....
So this mistake was actually not my fault. My co-teacher took me to the bank to open up an account and then took me to get my cell phone during one of my free periods and by the time we got back it was lunchtime. Not really having met any of the other teachers yet, I just sat with my co-teacher since he was the only person I knew at school. So I sat down next to him and this other young male teacher (who I later found out is very popular among the students) and notice as I'm eating lunch awkwardly that some students are pointing at us and whispering. I finally look around the lunch table and notice that I'm the only female teacher at the entire table. Then in horror, I look to the table behind me and notice that ALL the female teachers are sitting there. I turn and ask my co-teacher if I should in fact, be sitting at the other table. And he said "yes probably" but that for today it'd be okay to sit with him. I really wish, however, he would've told me that because it really was kind of strange for me to be sitting there.
The other thing about lunch is that because we eat in the cafeteria with the students (a few of the tables are reserved for us) there is limited space and definitely not enough tables for all the teachers so everyone rushes through lunch. Like seriously wolfs it down. Also, when you're finished eating, it's considered impolite to just leave. You should wait for everyone to finish eating before you leave. And when you're done eating, you put all your leftovers into your bowl and then when you return the tray, you dump the leftovers into this basket, put your spoon and chopsticks into another basket and then finally put the tray away. It makes it much easier for the kitchen staff to clean. And actually it makes sense because it makes it more efficient if everyone does just a little bit of work rather than leaving it all for the kitchen workers.
Also, because I am the "foreigner" I feel like I'm observed much more carefully than other teachers. If I don't put something on my tray from the hot line because I don't want to eat it, the teacher waiting behind me will almost always comment on it. So now I take everything, even if I don't really want it.
Really though, after the first 2 days or so everyone was so busy that they stopped paying so much attention to me. It was kind of awkward though because my birthday is the first week of September, so during the 2nd week of school really, and I wasn't expecting much because you know, I'd just met everyone. But my co-teacher made sure to tell all my students, and one of my classes surprised me with some choco-pie and cookies and a blackboard decorated with drawings and sayings dedicated to my birthday. It was really sweet and it really made my day. Secretly, it's one of my favorite classes not only because my host sister is in that class but because they did that for my birthday. And when I came home, my host mom and sister (who had to give a bogus excuse to get out of night study--more on that later) surprised me with a cake and candles. So all in all, I had a pretty amazing birthday considering I had just met all these new people. Oh and I had an awesome celebration in Seoul with my other friends that weekend so it really was a great birthday. Except for you know, not being able to celebrate with my friends and family from home. But still good.
Since those first days, I feel much more settled but I still feel like sometimes I'm not a "real" teacher. I really wonder what the other teachers think of me, this foriegner with no education background or training coming into their prestigious school and being called a "teacher." I do feel like I'm constantly having to prove something to them, prove that I'm a real teacher, that I really do care about the students, etc. It's exhausting. And it hasn't always been so great with my students either. Next up, a primer on Korean high school girls...
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