Argh

Too much to do: studying, lesson planning, applications, grading, working out, more lesson planning, more studying, more applications.

Korean Etiquette...?

I've been moved to the bigger gyomoshil (big office with all the teacher's desks) which houses the bulk of the teachers, about 30-40 teachers are in this room alone. There are rows of desks, about 3 desks in each row that are pushed right next to each other. So basically one long row of desks split into thirds. Each row is butting up against another row with the desks facing the other row, except there are these shelves that block you from seeing the teacher across from you. Um, hope that makes sense. I wish I could take a picture of my gyomoshil but I feel like it'd freak out the other teachers. Or make them think I was weirder than they already do.

Anyway, one major problem with sitting in the main office is that I never know what to do with my food. In Korea, sharing food is major. It's part of how you establish friendships and relationships with people. However, with 30-40 other teachers, sharing your food with everyone else in the room isn't exactly ideal. Nor is it expected. But it seems to be polite (and expected?) to offer whatever you're eating to the teachers sitting near you. The other teachers around me have already offered me food on several occasions so now I feel I must offer as well. The only problem is that sometimes I dont want to, or I'm eating something that's not exactly easy to share, like a cereal bar or something.

I don't want to make it sound like I mind sharing my food, because most of the time I really don't mind. But now that I've started working out everyday afterschool (more on that later), I need to eat food before I workout. I also tend to eat dinner late and I've noticed that I've been feeling very lightheaded after my workouts, probably because I'm not eating enough during the day to warrant exercising. I also have a stash of food in my desk now which I feel like I should share but then if I do that, I'll hardly have any left. On the other hand, is it rude to be eating all this food by myself? Sigh. Also, I rarely eat breakfast in the morning but then of course, I'm starving by 10:00. So I might go and buy a snack somewhere, usually a pastry, and I usually don't share that because it's my breakfast! And I'm just too hungry. And it's usually small anyway, barely enough to fill me up. Is that selfish of me? Probably.

I'm also buying all this food with my money, as opposed to bringing stuff from home because my host mom never buys snacks so there's no food to bring. So I do kind of want to make it last because I'm definitely not raking in the money here. And God do I have to spend money just for work alone--bus transportation, snacks, coffee, lunch fee, supplies, etc. etc.

Even though I'm clearly worried about this, the other teachers have been quite understanding. I guess maybe they understand that as an American, I might not be used to always sharing my food. But I do feel weird when I'm eating something and everyone around me can see me eating and I always wonder if I should offer or not. It's something I'm constantly worrying about and sometimes feel guilty about. It sounds silly (and to some extent, it is silly) but it's also a perfect example of the constant uncertainty, the constant doubt and worry you experience as a foreigner living abroad.

Sigh

My school in a nutshell: They ask me to offer an afterschool class. I accept. The class is cancelled because not enough students signed up. No one bothers to tell me it was cancelled.

I don't even get angry anymore, I just sigh, unsurprised.

Currently Listening To....

Kpop. It's too catchy not to listen to. I wasn't planning on listening to it but then I thought it might be a good way to connect with my students (they loved when I could name the different members of Big Bang-pictured) and also damn, it's addicting. I think Kpop is far catchier as a whole than American pop. The one downside is that when the really catchy songs become big hits, you will hear this song literally everywhere you go. Cell phone stores will be blasting it as you walk down the street, you'll hear your students sing it during lunch and break time, radio stations will play it nonstop, it will be used in countless tv dramas and commercial, etc. etc. So you'll get sick of the song after about a week but it will continue to be played for probably a good 2-3 months or more before it goes away, only to be replaced by a new hit.

Songs I've been diggin' lately (and reccomend if you want some poppy muscic):

1) "SORRY SORRY" SUPER JUNIOR
2) "INSOMNIA" WHEESUNG (cover of Craig David's song)
3) "TALK PLAY LOVE" ANYBAND (ok, it's basically a promo song for a cell phone company, but it's still a good song)
4) "SUNSET GLOW" BIG BANG (it's old but I'm still listening to it--perfect for the warmer weather)

Currently Browsing Through...

Sorry if this is old news for people, but just found this site, Planet Hiltron, via City Rag. It's hilarious (and kinda weird) to see celebrities photoshopped into normal people's bodies and lives or posing in ways the real celebs never would and in places they've probably never been near. Many of them are also tongue-in-cheek, like a picture of Brad Pitt, Jenifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie all smiling happily, or a coupley shot of Oprah (as the "man" of course) and Gayle.

Here are some of my faves: (in no particular order)

1) Dave & Vicky Beckham (pic above)
2) TomKat
3) Hillary Duff
4) JLo & Marc Anthony

WBC

Lunchtime: the girls (and the teachers) are screaming and going crazy watching the Korea-Japan final of the World Baseball Classic.

House of Sharing

This weekend was crazy. Woke up ridiculously early in order to get to Seoul in time, my friends and I were planning a trip to the House of Sharing and we were meeting at 10. It was one of the places I’d wanted to visit before I left Korea so I was looking forward to it. The House of Sharing, for those who don’t know, is a place that was built for surviving comfort women (from the Japanese war) to live together. It is also a political organization that has been working to gain official recognition from the Japanese government. that these worme were essentially forced sex slaves for the military during World War II. Comfort women were mostly Korean or other non-Japanese women who were forced or tricked into serving as Comfort Women. The army set up so-called "Comfort stations" where the men would pay for the women’s services, although the women rarely, if ever, saw any of that money.

We toured the small but amazing museum and were lucky enough to have one of the survivors give us a live testimony. It was the last time she was going to do it because her health was failing her and the emotional burden of repeating her story was taking its toll on her. Although she refrained from describing her actual experiences as a Comfort Woman, which is entirely understandable, she did describe the horrific beatings the military officers would inflict on her. She described how one man stabbed her but instead of stabbing in and out, would twist the knife while it was inside her arm in order to give maximum pain. The part that really got me though, was when she described running away from the camp, only to be caught and returned. Instead of begging for forgiveness and promising never to run away again, she refused and was almost beaten to death for it.

Sitting in that room, tearing up as I heard this brave halmoni (“grandmother” in Korean and how Koreans respectfully refer to the Comfort Women) talk about her experiences, I really truly could understand my parents and their generation still bearing such hatred for Japan. I don’t condone it but I can understand it. The way these women were treated was just so awful on so many levels, and of course gender and race played a huge part iin that treatment. As my friend put it, the rape of those women was like the rape Japan's colonialismn inflicted on Korea. It’s heartbreaking to know that sex trafficking similar to what happened at these Comfort stations still occurs all over the world.

And it’s sad that I, like many others, didn’t know much about the Comfort Women until very recently, probably college. I can’t recall any history classes talking about this issue, although in my opinion, it’s a huge part of the history. It profoundly affected, one could argue, both the Korean and Japanese psyche. It’s a history that undoubtedly still influences the twisted relationship Korea and Japan have with each other. I wish I could speak more eloquently about this issue, but I don’t know enough about it and I’m having trouble articulating my feelings. I can say that it was an intense experience, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look of grim determination and weariness in the halmoni’s eyes as she told us her story. She also ended on a thought-provoking note, urging us not to let this happen again. Although, in some ways it already is with sex trafficking, etc. That’s why the surviving women feel so strongly about making more people aware about the history because only then will we have a chance to ensure no one has to undergo the horrible things these women had to suffer. No one should have to live like that.

House of Sharing

This weekend in Seoul: House of Sharing, friends, shopping, the Ritz.

Currently Listening To...

IT'S BLITZ
YEAH YEAH YEAHS

2-Liner

[Missed a day. My bad.]

Love my frosh but the sophomores drive me crazy.

Sunshine

Lovely weather, so warm and perfect; wish I could lie out on the green again.

One-Liners

Starting from today, I'm going to update my blog (almost) everyday with one-liners.

The Best Stories You Will Ever Read

I had my sophomore classes do my version of the Story Chain activity and these are the utterly strange results. And, since most of these stories do reference Korean culture so I'll try to footnote the most interesting/important ones.

Class M's Story:

In New Caledonia, Shrek is so sexy.[yes as in the green ogre from the movie] Gu Jun Pyo* was kissing Fiona. They are sleeping. They have a baby. She divorces Shrek and is alone with the donkey. Gu Jun Pyo killed the donkey. "Um," said F4,"no, no, no Jun Pyo." Then Gu Jun Pyo said "Gee, gee, gee."** Finally F4 goes crazy and goes to a club. Suddenly, surprisingly, F4 sees Jessica*** and begins hunting her. So then Jessica and F4 go on a honeymoon. Fiona goes to Manhatten with her daughter, Gandhi [yes, that Ghandi]. Ghandi is a pretty girl. Ghandi learns cooking and cooks a dog for Fiona. F4 is playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!" with Jessica and Gu Jun Pyo wins. Jessica lost so she must leave the F4. Ghandi is a genius at cooking and goes to Mississippi for a cooking contest. Shrek looks for Fiona and Jessica meets Ghandi in Mississippi and the fall in love and get married and they go to Sydney. The F4, still on the honeymoon, meet another beautiful girl named Tiffany****. For the night Tiffany wears a dress. This is the legend of New Caledonia, said Paris Hilton.

I couldn't make this up if I tried. Best part? The students realizing too late that they had made Jessica and Ghandi a lesbian couple but I said to them "why not? women can love each other too." They still seemed slightly distressed. Let's just say many Koreans seem to not yet be comfortable with the idea that they may actually know people who are gay or lesbian. It seems acceptable as long as it's a character in a movie or someone they don't know (a recently popular movie here was about gay bakery shop workers).

Handy References:
*Gun Jun Pyo= leader of the oh-so-stylish F4 in the drama "Boys Over Flowers" (꽃보다 남자), a sort of rich gang who control the rich high they attend. They're also the most desirable men in Korea and Gu Jun Pyo the most desirable because he is the richest. (He's also tall and handsome which can't hurt either). He's also a total jerk on the outside but is all sensitive on the inside (sound familiar?). For a pretty good summary of the story of the drama and the characters, go here. Also, New Caledonia is one of the places the F4 go to in the drama for a vacay.

**"Gee, Gee, Gee" was the hottest single by Korean girls pop group, Girls' Generation for a long while (still kinda popular now but slowly dying out, thank God). Yes there really are 9 members. Lord knows why since none of them are particularly talented.

***Jessica is one of the members of Girls' Generation. Also, according to my students, in Korean it's common to say a guy is "hunting" or chasing a girl so while it sounds kind of terrible in English they don't mean it in a violent way.

****Tiffany is also another member of Girls' Generation.

I'll update with more stories later.

The Invisible (Wo)man

So today was my first day back to work and since the Korean school year is different from the States, it was also the first day of the new school year. They had this grand opening ceremony to welcome the freshmen, though, as with most ceremonies, it was all rather pointless. And as usual, everything was chaotic and disorganized as no one ever bothers to plan ahead (at least no one at my school). I didn't even get my teaching schedule until last night and for most of today, I wasn't even sure if I'd be officially teaching or not.

It almost feels like I never had that 2-month-long vacation. And what I could never really pinpoint before, about what I really hate about living in Korea and working at this particular high school, is that I simply feel invisible most of the time. I thought things would be better after I went on this teacher's retreat a few weeks ago where the teachers seemed much more open to talking with me. But today it was back to normal. It's even worse now, though, than before because at least before I was in a satellite gyomoshil (teacher's office area) that was small and isolated but now that I'm in the main one, I really feel out of place.

For one, there's this swirl of activity that's always happening right near my desk (which is right next to the copier and printer) with teachers talking and sometimes leaning on my cubicle to talk with each other. Meanwhile, I feel completely left out on several different levels-mainly, linguistically and culturally. While a few teachers did talk to me, most ignored me. I know it's (mostly) not a mean-sprited thing, and part of it is my fault--I'm hardly the most friendly or gregarious person--but still, it'd be nice if there could even be the slightest acknowledgement that I am a fellow teacher, not just some random foreigner crashing at the school for awhile. I also thought letting them know I speak Korean would help but it doesn't seem to matter. To them I'm foreign and therefore "other."

But in a weird way, I also feel like it's not just that I'm invisible but that I'm also under constant and intense scrutiny. What I do, how I act, what I say all represent "American" for the Koreans around me and so I feel like I have to always be on my absolute best behavior. At school and at my homestay I feel like I always have to have my guard up, I can't just relax and be myself fully. And especially at school I always feel a little tense and awkward sitting at my desk, never feeling like I fully belong, like I'm some imposter. I feel like I constantly have to put on this act that shows that Americans aren't always loud and obnoxious, that they're not rude and culturally clueless. It's a burden certainly, but an even heavier one to carry when you feel like no one's paying attention to you most of the time anyway.

So even as I feel the familiar dread of going back to school tomorrow creep over me, I'm also weirdly optimistic that it'll be different this time around. But part of me knows nothing's gonna change and certainly not anytime soon...